As I wrote in “If your core values can’t dance together, then you’ll keep tripping, falling and wondering why you can’t move together in rhythm.” For example, you could have a high value for responsibility and the person you’re dating could have a high value for risk.Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.() And it’s hard to un-wire 18 years of being shown how to talk and listen to others in family situations.Sure we’re not our parents and we can work to change our communication habits.A spouse should be like a gold miner, going under the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.Is the person you’re dating like a magnet trying to bring the best of you to the surface?And if you don’t know your values, how can you expect your partner to have a clue?
Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the before mentioned Play-Doh? And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. If you don’t want to become like the person you’re dating, should you be dating?where I feel like I’m having to pretend to be someone else. How this plays out in my life, especially in the aspect of career, is that I struggle doing work I don’t believe in and isn’t aligned with who I am.Authenticity forces me to intensely evaluate why I’m doing what I’m doing and strive to do work aligned with my beliefs.I’d describe core values as beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans, and purpose on this earth.We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions – problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are.